September 2, 2020 we lost our Heidi. Almost 6 months later I want to write this post just because I feel it has to be apart of this blog somehow being she was there since the beginning. Way before our fist born. We've had Heidi for 14 great years. She was such a good dog, she was sweet and patient with the girl from birth - current ages, such an easy dog and a blessing to have had through all the years. I still miss her almost everyday. We have her paw print on our shelf and I see it daily and think of her. For about a month after her passing I would say her name Heidi on the way to work, weird , but only because I didn't want her name to not be said... It took some adjusting, it was the oddest thing to come home and not have to take her out, or to wake up and not have any immediate tasks to do for her. Its the new normal today.
When we moved into this house coming in on 3 years ago, I hated the stairs for Heidi, getting older she wasn't maneuvering them so well. The old house she could go a whole day without using stairs. So I hated us for moving her here. But within a month she honestly had a new energy, she was looking good and doing so well. Looking back I feel it was maybe just her last hoorah. (insert crying break)
In 2019 I had asked Rusty to make an appointment at the vet because she had seemed to really deteriorate, she wasn't walking around as much, and having lots of accidents. The vet took ultrasounds, and blood work and didn't see any issues with her, they said we could do more, but she was 14, and if something was found would we really put her through any treatments. We wouldn't at that point. She seemed happy at home, just an old dog being an old dog.
Then in 2020 we took her to her appointment mainly because I could tell she was in pain, she wasn't happy, she was pacing a lot through the night. When Rusty came home this time he will full of pamphlets on deciding when is the right time to let go and such. The vet said its time for us to think about letting her go peacefully. I lost it, couldn't imagine a life without her. Also looking back and reading up on it. Owners usually let their dog live beyond their years because we can't think of losing them, honestly we should have let her go in 2019, dogs can handle pain and not let it show, but she wasn't living at that point. I just needed her there when I came home, because she as our Heidi.
We made the decision to put her down so she could be at peace. Im very open with the girls and honest about all things. They are older now and so I figured we could be honest. Breaking the news to them was almost as hard. Brooke our sensitive one of course balled, and Sophia tried to keep herself together, but eventually lost it as well. We all cried and cuddled Heidi in our front room for the afternoon before taking her to the vet.
I don't even want to go through what the vet was like. They made it as peaceful as they could but FUCK, sorry, about that, but it was so heartbreaking! Rusty and I petted, loved, and talked to Heidi, I was apologizing, and thanking her for being our good girl. We held her until the end. In the car I lost it, crying and yelling. Poor Rusty, I let it ALL out. Rustys tears were falling non stop, we hugged and mourned the loss of our girl.
We as a family had our mourning, girls being sad at night because she wasn't there. The house felt empty. Finally we feel "normal" without her. Plans for a new dog are there, we are thinking this Fall, honestly I know its a part of life, but I just don't want to go through that again. But I also know that there are so many dogs out there that need a loving home. We miss you Heidi.
No comments:
Post a Comment